You're not supposed to judge people. I think the Bible even says that (Hard to believe right?) But here's the the thing guys, I'm SO good at it. I've tried to give people chances. I've tried to look past unsavoury characteristics. I've even tried to give people the benefit of the doubt. I would tell myself, "They weren't calling me a faggot in a bigoted kind of way, but in the playful way. Like, they love gay people, and maybe even are gay, so maybe they can say it?" No. It always comes down to the same thing, my judgement was right all along.
I don't have a variety of judgments, it's nothing crazy. I don't think all southerners are dumb, or anything like that. That's more of a generalization than a judgment. The definition of judgment is being able to make, and come to, sensible decisions and conclusions. Which is probably why, when people say things like , "Don't judge me bitch," it really annoys me. (This is usually posted on Tumblr, or some other idiot form of social media.) So I shouldn't come to sensible conclusions about them or their shitty personality? Why not? Because they suck and they don't want me to know it, that's why.
I can judge whether someone is a shit person, or a good person, those are the two categories. It's a judge of character. Now, can someone have shitty qualities and be a good person? Yes, duh. I am a prime example of this, as are most of my closest friends. I might occasionally make fun of you, or punch your arm too hard, but I mean well. But shitty people can have good qualities too. And this is where people get confused. "How can you hate Jamie?? She's such a good listener!!!!" Yes, Jamie listens to everything you say about your grandma with cancer, she cares about none of it, and then repeats it to everyone you know, and talks about how she hates you and hopes your grandma dies. Jamie is shit, I'm sorry, it's true.
There have probably been more times in my life when I have met bad people versus good. Maybe there are more bad people than good people in the world. Maybe I just happen to meet more dick-holes than anything else. I'm not sure. There are a lot of ways to tell if someone sucks within 2 minutes of conversation (or lack of conversation.) It could be something obvious, like a racist or homophobic comment, or something less obvious, like a weird look, or not acknowledging my presence, (Ignoring my presence happens much more often than you would think. Maybe this is their way of judging me? Hm.) Whatever the reason, I always know how I feel about them, within the first few minutes of meeting someone. My boyfriend thinks that this is ridiculous, but on more than one occasion has admitted that I was right about my judgement all along. See, he's the kind of person that loves everyone, initially. I don't mean that in a, "he's a weirdo hippie," sorta way. But more in, he's super friendly and outgoing and can give everyone a chance kind of way. A lot like a friendly dog. (Sorry Chris.) Which is great, I love that about him. But I can't. I just can't, and I have tried to.
Looking past my judgment of someone doesn't work. Here's why, my judgment is always right! I've said this like 5 times already, pay attention. Whenever I ignore my instinct and look past the judgment, it only reinforces the fact that I'm always right about people. The perfect example of this would be, my two uncles, Keith and Ken. Both had not spoke to their parents, my grandparents, for over 12 years. The reason had something to do with my grandma continuing to talk to Ken's ex wife (my aunt who I love dearly.) He left her, she didn't leave him, and she was close to the whole family. I don't think I have to justify it anymore than that. And besides, being slightly annoyed seems like a more appropriate response than you and you're shit brother not talking to both your parents for years. But what do I know? Anyway...When my grandpa got diagnosed with cancer, Keith found out and started showing up at their house. Of course my grandparents were so glad that their son was speaking to them again, that's their kid. My mom thought it was great too... I did not. He was a bad person. I could tell by the way he spoke, it was cold (and the fact that he didn't talk to his parents for twelve years for a trivial reason.) But I ignored it, I was welcoming, because everyone said I should be. After about 3 weeks he wanted to know all of my grandparent's financial business. My grandparents had lots of money, I had no idea. It never occurred to me to even wonder about how much money they had. But that was one of the first things Keith wanted to know about. How had everyone NOT seen this coming? Well after my grandpa passed away, Keith had my grandma (who has Alzheimer's) change the entire will to his name, and then tried to have her put in a home against her wishes. It was only then anyone said, "Hey Annie, you were right about Keith. Total shit person." I know right?
Kenny showed up shortly after that, and had my mom get him a job where she worked. I had mentioned that I believed it was not a good idea. I also mentioned that this guy seems like total shit. (This one was a little more obvious because he said things like
Broke Back Mountain was a "faggot movie") He then got himself fired and stopped talking to my mom(again) shortly after. AHEM, I was right. Now you not only know how good I am at judging someone's character, but some family gossip. That was fun!
The obvious ones, like being a fucking ass-hole, homophobic, loser, don't really need an explanation. You're probably sitting there reading this, thinking, "Why would anyone, not judge a fucking homophobic guy, as an ass-hole, loser?" The answer to this, I'm not sure of. Ask my boyfriend, he's the one that loves everyone. But for the rest of us, who don't love everyone, we won't understand whatever answer he gives us. Because that guy obviously sucks. There you did it. You judged someone. When it's that obvious to judge someone based on a two minute conversation, there doesn't need to be explaining. Now, the ones that aren't that obvious can be difficult. Like someone speaking coldly like Keith. It's instinct. It's nothing more than that. If you don't have it, you probably never will. I'm so sorry.
I don't believe that judging people isn't a bad thing. It's actually very useful. Sometimes my boyfriend will say, "But you could miss out on knowing someone who you could have judged as shit who isn't shit!" No, I promise you, I won't. And I don't want to waste my time befriending shitty people. It might limit the number of people I talk to, but I have better relationships because of it.
Of course even I can be fooled. There are people out there who will secretly, or openly, admit to changing their personality to fit who they are hanging out with. These people exist in the world, and they are clearly soulless and barely human, so I don't blame myself too much. If I am spending time with someone like this, they will be supportive and kind, but eventually their true self will come out. By that time it's too late and I have already invested my friendship when they start doing shitty things. Like ditching you or fucking the guy you liked at the bar. It sucks, it happens.
It's not like if there was something I could do to help a friend going through a tough time, I wouldn't do it. If that were the case I would do anything. But, sometimes people just turn out to be shitty and there's nothing you can do to help or change it.
It's not like I'm happy when someone turns out to be shitty. I really wish people didn't suck so often. And maybe there is good in everyone, I actually agree that there probably is. But if you only let the crappy side of you come out, then you're a shitty person. That could change with age, just like I'm sure good people can change into shitty people over time. And of course, circumstances play into this. But being friends with shitty people is one of these circumstances that turns good people into shitty people.
In my freshman and sophomore years of high school I was almost specifically friends with shitty people*, and of course I was a shitty human being. It wasn't until the shitty people didn't want to be my friend anymore that I made changes to my own personality. Now I have relationships and friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. Most importantly, I'm happier with the kind of person that I am. I really believe if I would have stayed friends with those same people from my freshman and sophomore years, I would be shit today, that's why I judge people.
*I don't know if these people are still shitty..They probably are....Bitches..
P.S
A question I thought someone should ask me after writing this was, "But my mom and grandma are homophobic and racist, and I think they are good people. What do you have to say to that?"
All old people are usually homophobic and racist(generalization.) As long as they do that classic old people thing, of waiting until they are in their house to say weird racist things about Greek people, but are polite to the Greeks, then they are probably okay people. Just homophobic racists. This happens too. Whatever.
(My grandma complained about Greek people all the time... And Norwegians. WHO EVEN KNOWS IF SOMEONE IS NORWEGIAN??) Also, I'm not condoning or supporting racism or homophobia, but everyone thinks their grandparents/parents are great. Your grandparents are all good people (maybe.) Stop worrying. OMG. This is just a blog post based on my opinion not actual facts. CALM DOWN.
